Why?
by Yuuki226
Summary: Madison's in the hospital, and Lovino doesn't know why. WARNING: THERE IS MENTION OF RAPE, DEATH, AND SUICIDE. If you do not like, do not read.


Lovino had never liked hospitals. To him they always felt like a clean version of jail. Everything had the same colour scheme. All white or gray or pale blue. The walls of the room he was in were bleach white, the tiles a sterile gray, and the sheets that covered the love of his life were a pale blue. He looked down at the beautiful, almost porcelain like face of the girl he had loved for most of his life. Her usually bright lavender eyes were shut with the eyelids dark as if she hadn't slept in years. Her usually curvy, but petite figure turning to a slightly underfed stick-like form. His eyes brimmed with tears as he held her semi cold hand and looked at the medical bracelet wrapped around the thinning wrist.

_'Madison C. Williams. Self inflicted harm, and mental damage.'_ Those words were in large bold letters for everyone to see, and it pissed him off just to see them. He sighed and laid his head on the bed while still tightly grasping her cold fingers, as if to warm them. He sighed tiredly and reached up with one arm to brush away some of her hair before clearing his throat to speak.

"Hey Maddie...It's me again. I hope you can hear me...I just want you to know that I'm really sorry for what happened. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to help you when you needed me most. I really am sorry.", his hand brushed against the nasty red scar that was still puffy against her wrist and he took another deep breath, "Please come back to me Maddie? You're my only friend in the world...and I really do love you...and ya know? I think I need you as much as you need me. So please, just wake up so we can help each other through this." He sat up and held her hand closer to his heart before doing the sign of the cross and praying for her recovery. He was half way through muttering a prayer in Italian when there was a soft knocking at the door.

"Hey, sorry if I'm interrupting…I just..wanted to see how she was doing." Maddie's usually hyper-active brother, Alfred, said from the door with a quiet somberness. I looked towards the broken man standing at the door. His eyes were bloodshot and sleep-deprived, and his normal slightly pudgy athletic build was now malnourished and emaciated. I nodded to him in a stiff manner and got up so he could take the seat and say what he needed.

Lovino stepped out into the hallway and nearly punched in the wall out of anger. '_Why? Why wasn't I there for her when I needed her? Dammit what's wrong with me?'_ He asked himself as he finally broke down again and cried for at least the millionth time that week. His mind flashed back to all the little things that could've hinted that she needed him. The times he would catch her crying behind the school after he had noticed the bruises and cuts on her neck, arms, and legs. The times she would be smiling, but Lovino could tell that behind the smile was a horrible sadness. The times she would wear long sleeves in the middle of summer and refuse to push up her sleeves, even after becoming dehydrated. He sighed and slid down to the floor slowly and banged his head against the wall.

"Lovino! Come quick! She's waking up!", Lovino looked up towards the door way in shock and saw a slightly breathless Alfred, "I want yours to be the first face she sees Lovino." Lovino stood up with a nod and walked into the room quickly. He took the seat next to her and gripped her soft hand gently as her eyes fluttered open delicately.

"Nnng…Lovino? Is that you?" Her soft voice asked with a slight crack of disuse at the end.

"Si, it's me bella. How are you doing?" She smiled at him slightly and squeezed his hand.

"I'm fine, but I need to tell you and Alfred something.."

"Want me to call him in?" She nodded and he ran to the door to get him.

"Okay we're both here Maddie, now tell us."

She took a deep breath and rubbed her puffy scar lightly; "I want to tell you why I'm in the hospital." They nodded and waited as she built up courage to tell them.

"Ever since I was a baby, I've kinda been a resented child. I killed my mother in childbirth, and daddy had always blamed me for it. You, Alfred, were somewhat hateful towards me for it. I was always a somewhat good kid, though it was never enough for daddy. One night, when Alfred was off at a sleepover with some friends, I heard crying and begging coming from dad's room. I went to investigate, and what I saw is still haunted within my memories today. There on his bed, was daddy raping Michelle.", she stopped for a moment to sniffle and wipe away some tears before going on, "She was sobbing and begging for him to just stop, and she saw me. She started freaking out and screaming 'No Maddie, don't look! Go back to bed!', but dad just threatened me by telling me that if I left then I would get the same treatment. I was eight when that happened. E Every Night from then on out, daddy would slip sleeping pills into Alfred's food and drinks so that he could rape Michelle while I watched. Then, one night, dad decided to choke Michelle because she wouldn't listen to her. When she went limp, he made me bury her, and promise that I would never tell anyone where she was buried. I thought that maybe, after that night it would all be over, but it wasn't. One night, Daddy slipped into my room, and he played with me. Then the next night, he made me play with him. From then on out, he was touching me and making me touch him. Then, when I was twelve, he finally decided to take my innocence. Every time he would get anywhere near me I would cry and beg him to stop and leave me alone, but he would threaten me with 'Do you want to end up like Michelle?!' Whenever he was finished, he would always just leave me lying there; covered in semen, blood, and tears. I became depressed, and around the age of fifteen, I started cutting myself. Also around that time, daddy started beating me instead of just raping. He would literally punch me until I would pass out, or put my arm in a pressure machine until I cried out in pain and sobbed for him to stop. It got to the point to, when I was around seventeen, I didn't even want to go home. I dreaded the night, I even dreaded my own room.", she was once again interrupted by a sob before she continued, "Then, when I graduated and moved onto college, he left me alone. I was alone and without him for a year and a half. Then, just a week ago, he found me again. He forced himself into my dorm room, forced me to touch him, then raped me. He left as soon as he was finished, and told me that I should just die. I sobbed for I don't even know how long before I finally decided to follow his advice. I grabbed a knife and a bottle of prescription pills. I cleaned myself up, laid on my bed, then I sliced my wrists. While the blood dripped down my hands and arms, I emptied the pills into my mouth and swallowed; the disgusting medicine taste drowned out by the copper of my blood. Then all I remember is blacking out and waking up here." She wiped at her tears pitifully and looked down at her lap shamefully. Her sobs were the only things heard in the room as Alfred and Lovino stared at her in stunned and sympathetic silence.

"Why didn't I just die? Things would be better off that way..." Lovino's face contorted to one of pure sadness.

"Maddie, please don't say that...if you weren't alive, I don't know what I'd do...please..." Alfred plead quietly as Maddie covered her face and began to silently cry. Lovino said nothing as Alfred stood up and left the room angrily.

"Lovi, please...just...leave me to die? I think that's all I'm good for." At those words, Lovino stood up and silently sat beside her on the bed. She looked up at him, somewhat shocked, as he wrapped his strong, lanky arms around her and pulled her to his chest.

"Madison, don't you dare ever say that. Ever. You are the most important person to me. You are the only one that can make me smile when I'm angry. Your smile is like my drug Maddie. Please, I love you so much, and I always will." She listened to his voice start to grow unsteady with tears before she pushed him away slightly to look at him. His eyes were rimmed with tears, and his nose was becoming a bit runny. She smiled at the slightly pitiful sight before she reached over to grab a tissue. She wiped his nose as if he were her child, then used her own soft, silk like hands to wipe away all the tears running down his face. Once she was done, she pulled him down so their lips could meet briefly. When they both pulled away, she held him with a tenderness no other man would know.

"Lovino, don't cry. I'm sorry I was so selfish, I promise, I won't leave you. Ever. I'll always be here, because I love you too." He continued to sob into her neck quietly while she hushed him and held him gently.

-

Three months passed, and Maddie was finally allowed out of the hospital. Her father was arrested and Michelle dug up. Maddie went to a rehab center for victims of rape and child abuse. There she learned how to feel better about herself. She and Lovino were together the entire time.

"Lovi! What are you doing you silly man?" Lovino looked up at the soft voiced woman behind him.

"Nothing Maddie, just thinking about how we first met. Ya know, when we were seven?" Maddie smiled and nodded heartily.

"Oh yes! We met at that park bench. I was crying because I had fallen and skinned my knee, and I couldn't find my brother."

"Then I walked up to you and tried to stop your crying before I dragged you over to get a band-aid from my older brother Antonio." They both laughed and he intertwined her fingers with his own as they sat down on the bench.

"That was one of the best days of my life, because that was the day I met my soulmate!" Lovino chuckled and kissed her cheek gently.

"Ya know, I bet I could make today, or rather this moment right now, rival that day." She looked up at him curiously.

"Oh really? How so?" He simply smirked and told her to shut her eyes. She raised an eyebrow and fluttered her lavender eyes shut. His hand left hers, and a bit of shuffling was heard.

"Alright, open your eyes mi amor." She slowly opened her eyes and gasped. There in front of her was Lovino. He was kneeling with a small velvet box in his hand. She felt tears prick at her eyes as she picked up the soft box and opened it.

"Madison Caroline Williams, will you do me the honor of becoming my life time love?" She stared at the beautiful purple amethyst set in the silver of the ring. All she could do was throw herself at him and wrap her arms around him.

"Yes! Yes! A billion trillion times yes!" Maddie nearly screamed as she covered him in kisses. He smiled as brightly as he could as he pulled away slightly to slip the ring from the box. He kissed her deeply and slipped it onto her hand gently.

"I love you Lovino Vargas." She murmured into his neck as he held her close.

-

Lovino kissed Maddie's engagement ring gently as she smiled at him.

"I'll be back for you in the morning mi amor. I'll bring a moving van so we can move your stuff from the shelter into our new house, alright?" She nodded and he smiled before hugging her one last time.

"I love you Lovino."

"I love you too Madison." She watched as he walked back to his car and got in with a wave. A smile was still spread across her face as she went to tell her therapist the good news. After that business was taken care of, she decided to check her mail. Most of it was garbage until she saw the letter from Alfred. She raised and eyebrow and headed back to her room to read it. She tore open the top as her door clicked shut behind her.

_ 'Dear Madison, _  
_I have no idea where you are, but I thought I should send you a letter. I miss you a lot little sis. Like a lot. I really wish I could see you, and I also wish that you would write me back. Please? _  
_Love ya, _  
_Alfred.' _

She smiled at the letter and set it on her desk before noticing one last piece of mail. It was from the doctor's office. The top was quickly torn off as her eyes skimmed the page quickly. She finally saw the one thing she dreaded most. Out of shock, she dropped the letter and nearly fell over. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she slid down the wall with her head in her hands.

"Wh-what am I gonna do?!" She nearly wailed. Her crying stopped for a moment as she remembered something. She shakingly stood up and headed towards her closet. Her hands only had to search for a moment until they touched the cold iron. She wrapped her hand around it and pulled it out. Her hands were shaking as she considered her options. Then, with a firm nod of decisiveness, she put the cool tip to her temple and closed her eyes.

-

Lovino stared at the casket with tears in his eyes. He couldn't believe that the love of his life was in there, not breathing or moving. He choked back a sob as he thought of how he had found her. Her pale and cold body sprawled out in a pool of blood. Her glazed over lavender eyes staring off at nothing. He had broken down and nearly killed the staff members; he had felt as though they were the ones responsible. She was finally getting better, they were to be married, and yet she was dead. He had no idea why she would've done it at first, but then he had seen the paper by her desk. He had picked it up quickly and immediately his eyes saw the words;**_ 'pregnant: yes. abortion possible: no.'_** He remembered watching the paramedics lift her body into a bag before putting her on a stretcher and wheeling it out. _'Not it, __**HER**__.'_ He had told himself silently. Now he was just watching as the preacher said the same sermon he always said for every funeral. He felt as though it were impersonal. The preacher called him forward to say something. He nodded and stepped forward slowly, as if his legs were made of lead.

"Well, first off I'd like to say that Madison was an amazing person. She always knew how to make me smile, or laugh, or even cry. Her smile was my anti-drug. She was the most beautiful creature I've ever known, and to be honest, I loved her more than life. I would do anything to build a time machine and go back in time to stop her from doing any of this, but I can't. I still remember the first day I met her. She was crying on a park bench, and I decided to cheer her up. From that day on, we were best friends.", he stopped to wipe his eyes, "Now, I just want to say goodbye. Goodbye to a wonderful person, that I know we all loved." He sniffled and showed the two rings in his left hand. "These are the rings I was going to use so we could be eternally together. I'm still going to use them." Lovino swallowed as he placed the diamond wedding ring on the casket, and slipped the other simple golden band onto his finger. "There, now we'll be eternally together, and I'll just look down at this ring when I want to remember her." He stepped away and smiled at the casket again before walking off quickly; not wanting to see her go into the ground. _'I love you Maddie, and I always will.'_


End file.
